Day 32,
I was looking on the point of wanting to be saved ,to be saved by someone … .and this go of course to my childhood ,when I was small and sick ,someone always help me.This behavior,
,,personality, I carry thru my life ,and I see, I was helped not the way that someone give me a guidance ,but literally someone ( ..mostly my parents…)do things for me.This way of living form in me the point of helplessness and having someone always around ,so I will be helped ,when I need .
I see that my journey with spirituality was about the same things ,about someone will help me,when I need……..
I see in me how I form even friendship …(where I always was looking for someone stronger then me, stronger in the sense of stability ,in the sense they know who they are !!…,and as long I am around someone like this I will be fine….)
So within this I do want to take responsibility on this in self forgiveness..:
1.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself form the idea in my mind about saving myself .
2.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to see people from a perspective of self interest ,from perspective of fear of me ,of myself .
3.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself just accept with out investigation why do I form this think in my mind that I need -want to be save ,which is totally stupid ,because there no one to be saved ,there is no need to save anybody .
4.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself be drown to people who I perceive that they are strong ,more balance then me ,only because ,maybe I will be save by them.
5.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to never question why do I want to be save ??…SAVE by whom?? and for what??
,but totally accept the fear ,which I build all my life.
6.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself not realizing that part of this saving me is part of fear the death , to fear death in so much extension ,where I am possessed by it.
7.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself thinking that Life is about surviving and saving ,not seeing that there are many different points are in play also,the points which should be investigate.
8.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to never stand up ,to always looking for somebody ,who might be help me with responsibility of my life ,which is totally fuck up….we are one ,but we are alone in our process of living,of walking .
9.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to abdicate to the fear of my ego ,never question this for real.
10.I commit myself to stop looking for excuses ,to start walking and finding on my own the points of standing on my own,to own the responsibility on my own ,…
11.I commit myself to slow down ,to stop participating in the fears of saving me.
12.I commit myself in the moment ,were I see and feel to participate in back chat about saving me ,to stop and breath and write .
thank you for reading !!
